In September of 2022, America’s increasingly fascist Republican party took a break from inciting bomb threats to children’s hospitals so they could attack a Black woman for being entertaining. Because of course they did.
At the center of this controversy is Lizzo, Grammy-award-winning musician with hits like Truth Hurts and About Damn Time, a 200-year-old crystal flute that literally nobody knew about, and former president James Madison, who owned said flute (and over one hundred slaves).
Lizzo is the first and only person to ever play this flute, but it seems she twerked too far for the far right – “desecrating” the cultural significance of this flute that, to be crystal clear, not one goddamn person knew about prior.
Flutists Don’t Care About Your Feelings
Despite being invited by the Library of Congress to perform with the flute, Lizzo was the target of the conservative outrage machine with thinly-veiled racism, fatphobia, and misogyny.
Some called the performance an “abomination,” while others called it a “humiliation ritual.” Failed Hollywood screenwriter and one of the loudest voices in this conversation, Ben Shapiro, had a lot to say.
Not to be outdone, Matt Walsh, avid defender of teenage pregnancy, claimed that Lizzo was “desecrating American history just for the sake of it.”
Twelve minutes later, Walsh repositioned his commentary by saying, “Actually, it’s not just for the sake of it. There’s a very clear point here: to send the message that our heritage and history are meaningless and that nothing we love or care about has any value.”
Lizzo remained unbothered and used the moment to promote her merch.
The Truth Hurts
So, were the conservative mouthpieces right? Did Lizzo desecrate American history by playing an old-ass flute?
A classically trained flutist, a young Lizzo was taught by renowned music teacher Claudia Momen. After graduating high school, she studied classical music at the University of Houston and has since played the flute on each of her albums and live on tour.
Lizzo has been called “the flute’s brightest champion” after giving the instrument new life in the mainstream, leading to a “woodwind renaissance.”
It’s more accurate to say that she taught a nation what a flute even is, inspiring a generation of future twerking flutists along the way.
She’s also happy to read a bitch when they question her musicianship.
“I’mna celebrate by putting my flute together and actually blowing notes out of it, so you hoes can shut the fuck up. This is Sasha flute. This is an open-hole C flute, a Muramatsu, look at the B foot. Wow, she knows a lot about flutes! Guess she didn’t study it in college.”