Author: Dylan M. Austin

Florida’s at it again. You know, the state shaped like America’s flaccid wiener whose top relative search on Pornhub in 2022 was “BBC” (big black cock)? That’s the one. Naturally, this is the state that also has a pretty difficult time reconciling its lust for giant dicks with a strong urge to attack gays, Black people, and now a 518-year-old statue (with a penis). The Phallic Controversy A principal at a Florida charter school has been removed from her position after multiple parents complained that their sixth-graders were made to view pornography due to a lesson on art history that…

SunnyD, the beloved drink that’s “superficially related to orange juice” has launched a vodka seltzer. Because… why not? Their announcement weaponizes the phrase “you asked, we delivered” which is strange considering the mixed response, causing a stir of nostalgia gone too far. Though they’re not the only brand resurrecting distant flavor memories, they do manage to stand out as one of the more bizarre interpretations. Does the D Stand for Delight or Despair? If you want to talk about marketing oriented toward Millennials, well… here it is. This may be one of the most on-the-nose brands when it comes to…

YouGov recently asked people to guess the percentage of American adults who belong to 43 different minority groups, among other characteristics. The poll was… interesting, to say the least. At its most basic level, much of the strange estimates you’re about to see could be attributed to perception bias. It’s our natural tendency to make assumptions about life and our world consistent with our own lives and the spaces we inhabit. These perceptions are often at least somewhat wrong, and that’s where consuming media and seeking new experiences can help us make more accurate judgments. Unless the media (especially online)…

“Oh no, that tickles!” In the late ‘90s, America was tickled red by one of the most sought-after toys of its era. Like the Beanie Baby hype, kids and adults alike were enamored with Tickle Me Elmo’s infectious laughter and adorable fluff. Elmo’s toy legacy lives on, but it wasn’t all wiggles and giggles. The History of Tickle Me Elmo The Tickle Me Elmo doll was created in 1996 by the toy company Tyco Toys. Though the concept seems simple by today’s standards, the interactive experience was quite novel. Originally intended to be a laughing toy monkey named Tickles the…

They Ty-ed the knot. Then they tore off the heart-shaped tags. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a viral photo of two divorcees sorting through dozens of Beanie Babies littered across a courtroom floor. In 1999, one Las Vegas couple’s divorce proceedings (and their Beanie Baby collection worth somewhere between $2,500 and $5,000) became a viral sensation almost as iconic as the Beanie Baby craze itself. Frances and Harold Mountain were ordered to divide their collection one by one under a judge’s supervision because they were “unable to do so by themselves.” Cars and investment properties are often…

There’s a national shortage of Adderall right now, and it’s not great! Over six months ago, early signs of Adderall supply shortages began popping up with no resolution since. Of course, the drug’s largest producers and the FDA only said something recently. There’s a growing demand for the drug as ADHD diagnoses have increased, but in greater numbers for adults and with overwhelmingly positive benefits. Also, Adderall has been around since ’96. We’ve used the components of this drug for various conditions since the early 1900s, and none of those ingredients include gold or nuclear fusion. So what’s the deal?…

In September of 2022, America’s increasingly fascist Republican party took a break from inciting bomb threats to children’s hospitals so they could attack a Black woman for being entertaining. Because of course they did. At the center of this controversy is Lizzo, Grammy-award-winning musician with hits like Truth Hurts and About Damn Time, a 200-year-old crystal flute that literally nobody knew about, and former president James Madison, who owned said flute (and over one hundred slaves). Lizzo is the first and only person to ever play this flute, but it seems she twerked too far for the far right -…